There is a LOT of hero-worshiping in the movies and I’m not talking about actors. Nearly every head of department is worshipped by his/her team…. Probably because of how hard it is, nearly everyone successful person has been given some sort of glamour and magical qualities by the rest of the aspiring world.

When I joined films, I really wasn’t brought up to worship anyone so I really couldn’t see what the big deal was about celebrities, actors, directors and just any kind of celebrity. Sure some of them were drop dead gorgeous, but a nice appreciative glance is all it requires and then one goes on with the world as it is.

So it surprises me to say, that somewhere along the way, this hero-worship or putting people on a pedestal, started to affect me too. There were people that I wanted to hang out with, the people who were making the glamorous movies, the people I admired without question. When you are around a particular kind of conversation a lot, you start to believe that it is the only conversation, or the only truth. It takes a lot of objectivity to step back and notice how foolish all of it really is.

What are the qualities you admire in a person? Their stories? Their skills? Are we only supposed to see the positives? Is everything ok, because you are successful?

The film industry gives an air of invincibility to the people who make it. They can say whatever, behave whatever, and it is all allowed because of their success. Indians are always looking for people that they can worship, put up on a pedestal and so in the absence of the British, we have found celebrities to take their position.

I remember one particular interaction on one of the films I assisted on. The actor in question was stunning, a brilliant actor and there was nothing not to love about her except that for some strange reason, she didn’t look me in the eye. I was really puzzled by this behaviour, I mean: she could definitely see me and hear me. Then what was wrong with just acknowledging the awesome human standing in front of her?

I was baffled. I tried to bring it up with a couple of people, the Director and I was immediately reprimanded for bringing up total nonsense. I quickly shut up. Could I be imagining it? I did not. Everyone kind of told me, in not so many words to understand my place in the food chain. I did not like that one bit and it made me sulk and feel miserable. I tried my best to suck it up and continued my duties with a smiling face ( not that she would have noticed). Through the course of the film however, somewhere I am not sure exactly when we broke the ice and things became normal. I was honestly relieved, But I did not realize that a little bit of me had been rubbed into the ground and never got up.

Rub…. Rub…Rub…

Once I had left Assisting, it took me some amount of time to get my perspective back. I had to cut off a lot of ties and distance myself from the noise. Once I did that I started to see that all the people that I had previously attached so much glamour and magical qualities were actually quite normal and ordinary for the most part. I think my rose tinted glasses started coming off. All this deflating gave me hope.

Why do I feel the need to mention this? Because this industry tries very hard to put you in a corner. It’s never direct. They are subtle ways of manipulation or breaking someone down- by not answering your text, never picking up your phone, ignoring you and your ideas, subtly implying that you may not have what it takes. Friendly suggestions to settle for another job, try something else, do TV, and try advertising etc.. And if these are people you admire, its pretty heartbreaking. Some people I know remain haunted and scarred by comments from their 'heroes' that made them doubt themselves.

Taking the rose tinted glasses off makes it a lot easier to discard opinions that are not aligned with what you want or believe about yourself. Nearly everyone I know has a version of the ‘rose-tinted glasses’ story and how their journey really began once they were able to get rid of it. I’m hoping you’re smarter than that and never put those goddamn glasses on in the first place.